Who WAS King Christopher the Tolerant?
Now many Americans are asking us to please tell them more of our great King Christopher the Tolerant who is the founder of Chris-Tmas, the holiday stolen from us that you spend so much money in celebrating. So we will tell you here about him.
King Christopher was very tolerant. He allowed worship of all Gods so long as they were from Chaldea. This made all of the Chaldeans very happy. King Christopher was well loved by all of the Chaldeans, perhaps except for the slaves that we took from Babylon, but they were never happy anyway and always complained about the food. King Christopher became upset that the slaves were always complaining, so he invented baked beans which made them happy until they found there was salt pork in them. This began the idea of having baked beans with salt pork and some without.
It is also amusing that today's "Christmas" traditions include the television commercials for "the Clapper" where you clap your hands and turn things on and off. This was also, by no coincidence, invented by King Christopher. He would clap his hands and the slave appointed to turn things on and off would rush to do this. If the slave was not fast enough, he would not receive his baked beans. Since baked beans looked much like coal in our time, this began the tradition of coal in the stocking when you are bad.
Please let us know if there are more questions about King Christopher.