Unnamed Foreign Intelligence Sources

Why is this stupid president disturbed by those bad Syrians blowing people up? This president blows people up every day. What is the difference? We know that the bad Syrians should not be blowing anyone up. They are naughty and like to be difficult in other people's countries. But what is the difference between them and the Bush President? They both do the same thing, blowing people up in other people's countries. He should not be disturbed. He should be "somewhere else."

Bush: Hariri report 'deeply disturbing': "President Bush on Friday urged the United Nations to address the findings of its new report implicating Syrian and Lebanese officials in the assassination of former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Hariri."

(Via CNN.com - World.)

Posted by mikki at 11:30 PM | Permalink

Provided by an unnamed foreign intelligence source because in Woodbridge in your Virginia, a leader of school frivolous band was not permitted to play plagerized song stolen from ancient Chaldean song. A brilliant homeschool parent who doesn't even send children to that frivolous band school was smart enough to know that this song was stolen from Chaleans and told the frivolous band leader to stop. Therefore now the frivolous band leader has told them NOT to play this stolen song. Now we know the REAL Chalean song as provided by our unnamed source

We applaud Virginia highschool for not allowing to play false version. Intellectual property is good. Here is old original. Now band can play and be good.

"Ahriman went down to Hegmataaneh"

Ahriman went down to Hegmataaneh
He was looking for a soul to steal
And he was in a bind
'Cause he was way behind
And was willin' to make a deal.

When he came upon this young man playing
a kamancheh and playin' it hot
Ahriman jumped up on a date palm
stump and said,
"Boy let me tell you what:

I bet you didn't know it
but I'm a kamancheh player too,
And if you care to take a dare
I'll make a bet with you
Now you play a pretty good kamancheh, boy
But give Ahriman his due
I'll bet a kamancheh of gold against your soul
'Cause I think I'm better than you."

The boy said, "My name's Bijan
And it might be a sin
But I'll take your bet, your gonna regret
'Cause I'm the best that's ever been."

Bijan, you rosin up your bow and play your
kamancheh hard 'Cause hell's broke loose in Hegmataaneh
And Ahriman tosses Ghap in the yard
And if you win you get this shiny kamancheh made of gold
But if you lose Ahriman gets your soul.

Ahriman opened up his case and he said,
"I'll start this show."
And fire flew from his fingertips

As he rosined up his bow
And he pulled the bow across the strings
And it made an evil hiss
Then a band of demons joined in
And it sounded something like this

When Ahriman finished Bijan said,
"Well you're pretty good ol' son!
But sit down in that rug right there
And let me show you how it's done!"

Fire on the mountain, run boys run
Ahriman's in the house of the rising sun
Chickens in the tanour, picking out dough
Granny does your dog bite? No, child, no

Ahriman bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat,
And he laid that golden kamancheh
On the ground at Bijan's feet
Bijan said, "Ahriman, just come on back
if you ever wanna try again.
I done told you once,
You son-of-a-sow,
I'm the best that's ever been!"

He played:
Fire on the mountain, run boys run
Ahriman's in the house of the rising sun
Chickens in the tanour, picking out dough
Granny does your dog bite? No, child, no.

And you must ONLY play this version or you will be thrown to the scorpions!

Posted by mikki at 08:03 PM | Permalink

We of the Unnamed Foreign Intelligence of the Ancient Chaldeans have been alarmed to find out that there is a cult of individuals who claim to be associated with the Japanese dish of Sukiyaki, who are attempting to convert the entire Internet to their culthood. They claim to have 500,000 members (primarily in Asia), however we at unnamed foreign intelligence has found only a person named pitz_ who lives in Saskatchewan behind this dire plot.

Imagine, if you will, ordering Sukiyaki in a Japanese restaurant and finding that you are instead served it with no sauce, and a crazy man comes to your table and tells you to join this religion you must always capitalize and must always put (tm) next to, even when speaking? This is funny to we Chaldeans, as we tried this before with hummus, but we were arrested and told to stop invading Middle Eastern restaurants. Some even got restraining orders. We did not like this.

So, how will we stop these Sukiyaki stealing non Japanese crazy people? Do not trouble yourselves. We are employing the secret Chaldean dance of the never ending tofu disease upon them. They will learn!

Posted by mikki at 02:28 AM | Permalink

For those Americans who do not watch good news, they may not know that a spy was in the White House who was stealing classified things and papers from the office of the Vice President to the President named after a plant. We in unnamed foreign intelligence thought of doing this before the people of the Phillipines did this. Unfortunately for the Chaldeans, The Vice President to the Plant would not hire our Chaldean spy. He mumbled something about a background check that showed we were too smart to work in his office.

Posted by mikki at 11:19 PM | Permalink

That President of yours, named after the strange plant and called by the "W" letter has been very busy. He has had to find a new person for your Supreme Court.

This Supreme Court is a very difficult thing for Presidents without many brains. They must find someone who everyone will decide is not too hot and not too cold, like porridge and this Goldilocks. The first time, he found someone who was a little too cold for some, and a little too hot for others, so he was ok. But this time, he has been having much more trouble.

This time he picked someone who was MUCH too hot and MUCH too cold. But we know why this happened. His Karl Rove was busy running from the press with their many questions and cameras. Without his Karl Rove to choose for him, the "W" person becomes confused. So this time he picked the woman who was selling Mary Kay cosmetics door to door and wishes her to be in the Supreme Court.

We have not seen any cases of cosmetics ladies who are on Supreme Courts, except perhaps for one in 245 BC who ran the court for unclean chariots, so we are not certain how your cosmetics lady will work out. We will have to watch and see. We hope that you will learn.

Posted by mikki at 03:07 AM | Permalink