Unnamed Foreign Intelligence Sources

Why don't you Americans learn more about History? History is very important and has many things that you could learn from. For example, everyone is upset about the chef with the name of Chef from the place called Southpark because the church called Scientology was insulted by the show. The chef quit because he did not know how to make fun of himself but could make fun of everyone else. This is because of the church called Scientology.

We had a church like this in ancient Chaldea. It was called the Church of Fictology. The Fictologists would have everyone believe that humans came from Cecil the Chaldean Sea Serpent because he could talk, and everyone should give money to the Fictologists because Cecil was green and so was money (Chaldean money was green if you left it in the sun too long). Soon the Fictologists got bigger and bigger, and then more and more people joined them. They became more and more powerful, having their Fictologists in important jobs like horse whisperer and cleaner of cuniform tablet making tools, so they thought they could tell everyone else that they were not allowed to point and laugh as they went by on the street.

Then, one day, Mudhat the Wise went to a meeting of Fictologists and asked them if they really believed this silly thing or were they only trying to make money. The head of the Fictologists said, "yes, you have found us out" and they all went home.

Someday, you will also learn.

Posted by Hecate at 07:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Chaldeans are laughing at the Saddam Hussein Comedy Show now on the American news channels. This new situation comedy is of much amusement to us. The Saddam pretends that he is the President of Iraq and the judge pretends to be a judge. The media pretends to be the media, but they are too busy laughing to be of any use. They need better actors for those parts. The only problem with this new situation comedy is that we don't know what time it will be on, since the person pretending to be the judge has prima donna fits and throws the cinematographers out of the room too much.

Posted by Hecate at 11:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You Americans are being so silly by letting your children have computers and go on the Internet without watching them to make sure some nasty child pervert doesn't get them. The Internet is dangerous. See? Even the Chaldeans are on the Internet. And although we are not child perverts (our children are put in work camps until they are old enough to be with us), we are here to shape your minds in warped and unusual ways. We are sorry that you don't have a King who can supervise all of your children in the work camp to keep them from harm and to make nice trinkets we can sell to tourists. You will learn.

Posted by Hecate at 11:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You Americans have an interesting legal system which the Chaldeans watch with great interest. A jury in this Blackberry thing said that they infringed a patent that the office in charge of patents said was a bad patent. But still the Blackberry people had to pay lots of money to the people who had bought the patent, but did not invent anything at all. We laugh because your Constitution gives special monopolies to those who invent something new and good. Well the patent office made a mistake and gave a patent to someone for something already done. A company who saw a way to make money bought the patent and sued the Blackberry people after Americans had become addicted to it so they would have no choice but to pay.

It is only in America where a jury who cannot even spell "patent" can decide whether or not someone is doing bad things, and that decision is thought to be correct even when the patent office says they have made a mistake and the patent is no good. Much better to have a king to tell us what is ok and what is not.

Posted by Hecate at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We were reading the news on Al Jazeera today, and found a big story about the American W President hailing Pakistan as an ally in the "War on Terror." We are laughing because if Pakistan was such a good ally, then the W President would also give them nuclear technology as they have given India.

Perhaps Pakistan is a good ally, but not QUITE as good as India, where most of the call centers for United States technical support are now. If India does not have nuclear technology, they can no longer fix your Dell computers. We are laughing so hard we must now go find the rest room. Ha ha ha.

Posted by Hecate at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It is so funny that your President W thinks it is such a good idea to sell your sea ports to the company from Dubai. It is even more funny that your President W would think that nobody would be upset by this, and tells everyone to just be quiet about it and then everything will be all right. It was even funnier than that when the Israeli man got much news by saying that he loved the Dubai company and they were never any problem with him, and so Americans should be happy too. We have to ask the Israeli man how many ports in Israel the Dubai company has.

Of course the Americans would be upset at the Dubai company. Why do you think they would not be, you silly President W. But we are afraid you will not learn because you are too busy telling people not to worry about the things you are doing.

Posted by Hecate at 10:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)